A long gap in continuation of this blog…. Had a very trying time personally last year. I lost my father …. My strength, my inspiration, and everything to me. I lost the will to write anymore and completely dissociated from everything I loved to do.
But life goes on and it took me a while to accept that even after he is physically gone his love still surrounds me. I still feel his blessings every time I leave home. I miss him terribly but his memory always makes me smile.
I also changed my job. Just needed the change, more challenges, different place of work.
My daughter finally chose her subject of postgraduation as Internal Medicine unlike Gynaecology that she had initially thought about. She is also well on her way to becoming a physician. And as the world is going through its turmoil on whether to love or hate doctors I see in her the love for her profession. Compassion is the only quality that makes a good doctor and as she is growing in her subject I see that shinning through.
So really a lot of things happened in my absent time. But I am back again and this time I promise to keep the flow of thoughts going.
To begin where I left off…. The results arrived after a lot of sleepless nights and lucid dreams of flunking and reappearing for those dreadful exams. Sometimes the dreams used to involve writing the paper and not being able to answer a single question….. sometimes they were like standing in front of the examiner and not knowing what they were asking….. waking up in cold sweats and trying to imagine what it would be like to pass in all subjects.
I passed in the first attempt in all subjects with relatively good marks and at that moment surprisingly didn’t feel anything. Just a blank feeling of what next.
Without a single day off to celebrate had to join internship so that I could complete it in time for further Housejobs and postgraduation.
An intern is the lowest rung in the chain of doctors. Considered to be more harmful in the wards than even the staff nurse who knows more than the poor intern. So we are more in the way rather than a help on the first couple of days till we learn how to do a few things like shift a patient from the bed to the trolley and vice versa, assist the staff nurse in giving an enema, make thousands of entries in multiple registers, carry multiple vials for blood investigations ( of course we still haven’t learnt to draw blood) and tail behind our senior doctors on rounds trying to look important.
This year there are a lot of practical things to be learnt and our teachers are the staff nurses in the wards. If you be good and polite with them they teach you almost everything that you need to know and do. Not to forget mentioning some Dracula sisters who you see and hide from …. Specially in the operating rooms where you might accidentally and foolishly touch sterile stuff …..
Your immediate seniors are the house officers, the most harried lot of people who are constantly trying to finish work which kind of never ends. They hawk on interns and take out all their exhausted wrath on them.
But this is the time, if you keep your eyes and ears open and are willing to learn there is plenty of knowledge flowing around. An eager intern probably gets picked on for work the most but also learns the most.
This is also the time you come in contact with real patients. Even if it is only taking a history of their illness or drawing blood for the investigations … you get to use all your skill and knowledge on a real alive human being. And if you have done your job well the patient considers you the real doctor sometimes even more than the seniors who visit them once a day. And when a grateful patient gets better and leaves your ward the happiness you feel makes all the years of study worthwhile.
As you rotate in all the specialities you can also make a choice about what gives you joy and what you would like to specialize in.
I remember being the happiest in the obstetrics ward. The thrill of bringing a life into this world to this day remains the happiest moment in my life!